A Heart filled with Anguish...
May 19, 2010
A few weeks back, I wrote a blog post called Somebody has to make a difference!!!!. It was my hearts cry about the deep anguish i felt about the choice a few teenagers were faced with, which led to them taking their own lives. It happened here in our home city. This is a follow up to that post. As the last few weeks have gone by a deep anguish has begun to develop in my heart. I used to think that stuff like this was the working of a religious thought, or some obscure doctrine. I grew up predominately pentecostal, I grew up in a denomination. I heard the word revival spoke what must be a hundred million times. As the last few weeks have gone by a deep anguish has begun to develop in my heart. I used to think that stuff like this was the working of a religious thought, or some obscure doctrine. I grew up predominately pentecostal, i grew up in a denomination. I heard the word revival spoke what must be a hundred million times. I have to admit, as a Pastor using the word revival has been one of the hardest terms for me to use. I have have studied Revival in seminary, read countless books that people have gave me on the topic, have followed the various “Revivals” that have happened across North America, and came out at the end of it all wanting not much to do with it. All that changed when we founded the.life.project almost 4 years ago. I began to have this deep longing in my heart to affect the nation with the true Gospel of Jesus Christ, to cause a reformation with in the church as a whole that would spark a massive cultural shift in Canada causing people to turn to Christ. I never thought of it in terms of revival, I only thought it would be a movement. That all started to change about a year ago. As things have progressed and we began to see over a thousand souls saved a month something really began to change in my heart. It began to hurt, for weeks I tried to express how I felt, I was frustrated, upset, not content at all. I would talk to Karla about it over and over again and she was beginning to become frustrated with me because I wanted to talk about how I was feeling but didn't even know what I was feeling, so how could I properly convey that to her, or anyone. One night in September 2009 I was reading Matthew 26:38 Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”
“My soul is exceedingly sorrowful” this is Jesus praying, I began to meditate on this, for the next little while that stuck in me like a dagger through my heart, I couldn't shake it, I wondered what Christ was feeling, what He saw as He looked at humanity. Then one night the Holy Spirit revealed to me what I had been feeling for months. One Word, echoed thorough every fibre of my being reverberating through my soul. “Anguish”.
That is how I was feeling, extreme pain and distress. My emotions were so stirred that it had become painful. The conditions we were in, that were about us, and in us were causing this acute deep inner pain.
ANGUISH. Deep Pain, Deep Sorrow, The very Agony of God's Heart.
All of a sudden I was aware that the church has held onto our religious rhetoric and our revival talk, but have become so passive. Night after night, day after day since then I have been preoccupied with this feeling deep inside. The more we do, the more we reach, the more we see I have discovered that born out of this deep anguish a true passion has begun to invade every fibre of my being. Over the last 4 years I have been told that Canada is a lost nation. Its people are a lost people, Our nation has been ruined. When you search the Scripture you will find that when God determined to recover a Ruined Situation, He would share His own anguish, for what He saw happening to His church and to His people. He would find a praying man and He would take that man and Literally Cover Him in His anguish. My heart cries out in anguish, these days for the lost and those who are living a Luke warm life. Every where I turn I see consumerism and the world within the church. My heart breaks, my face soaked in tears as I walk down the streets of the cities and towns we visit and see the hurt, pain, despair, and death that has taken control of our nation. Anguish. Anguish, Anguish. What I have saw, what I have heard, the ruin we have seen both naturally and in the spirit has driven me to my knees, has taken me down into a place of anguish where I have began to pray and seek God. I am learning now, oh how I am learning, until I have been anguished over it, everything that we do, all our ministries and projects, everything we do is in vain. It will look good on the outside, but inside it lacks everything. I hear God say where are the ones who used to weep over the lost souls, who cried out in the middle of the night in anguish over them, Where is the church that used to bow their knees and cry out with hearts of great concern and urgency for all those who are around them. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!! This is the consuming cry of my heart. There is going to be no renewal, no revival, no awakening, until we are willing to let God break us once again. Every day that goes by things are getting more serious, its getting late, time is ticking away. The task at hand is great, and the anguish we will feel will be immense, but I want to see this nation see true revival, a great awakening of the Spirit of God, across the land. We will not rest, until every man, women, and child, no matter race, creed, religion, or thought has HEARD, we will cry out to God in anguish for their souls, and do everything short of sin to lead them to Christ. Anguish leads to Revival. Anguish leads to God's Heart on the matters that concern Him. ANGUISH is why we do what we do, and why we will not rest, we will not just play church, we will not just talk, it is why WE WILL DO, REACH, STAND UP, FIGHT, we will see true REVIVAL in this nation, I want REVIVAL, I will see Revival, Break us oh God, Break Us, and revive our hearts oh God! From my heart! Pastor Matthew Thompson
8 COMMENTS | POST A COMMENT
You shame yourself by pushing people into the gospel. We are meant to be free and to choose our path...
Way to go Bishop! God Loves you and wanted to talk to you too! Keep on exploring in this new season of life!
Pastor Samuels here, I love your blog and your teachings, are you going to be coming to Ontario any time in the Future, would love to book you to speak at our church. I have heard you speak before, the passion and anointing you have is amazing. Let us know.
if only this could really catch in our hearts.
Pastor Matthew, I read this last night, and since then i was like, this guy is intense! A Bishop friend of mine sent me a link to read this post and I was like, WOW, that's just to much for me to ever want to be involved in. I went to bed around 11, i woke up about every 20 minutes, restless in my soul, finally after 2 hours i got up, I felt like i needed to keep reading your blogs. An hour later i found my self on my knees crying out to God to break me, and let me feel the anguish in his heart so I can reach people too. What is crazy is i am a Bishop in the Catholic Church! And here i find myself today, looking at a whole new way to live my life with Jesus, i mean i just started to cry out to God and something real happened. I'm 56, Ive never felt the presence of God like what i felt this morning, i mean that is reserved for the Holy Father. I heard God's voice, I feel alive and like I am on fire inside. I need to know more about this, can you help me? Teach me some about this?
Hi Matt, I don't know if you remember me or not, but you lead me to Christ while i was in Saint John. I was a passenger on the Queen Mary while in port. Thank you so much for showing me the way to God. I was so dead set against any idea of a God until I got that bottle of water from you and you said "Have a Life Filled Day, welcome to Saint John" My Husband started reading the Bible you gave us on the way back on the cruise, he asked me what you and I talked about and I told him, and he made the same decision I did as well. We found a great church when we got home here and have been attending ever since. In fact you Know our Pastor, Mark Driscol of Mars Hill Church. Just wanted to let you know we both have helped over 20 people start the Christ Adventure too! Thanks for being so bold and honest. You changed our life. This post on your blog here is exactly why you reached us. Thanks :) Say hello to Mrs Karla and Baby!
Can you imagine if just a few of us caught this what would happen in our country. You guys should consider a national tour...after the baby comes that is. Hope all is well with Mom to Be and Baby, and you too Dad!
Hello Wendy Yes we just received the doctors report the other day. She had only 20% hearing, and now they test her at 100% in both ears. God Rocks! Yes we do teach people how to reach others for Christ, as well take them with us. Ill Drop u an e-mail and we will connect with you to talk more. Grace and Peace PM
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